Holy Text

I used to work in a place that seemed to pride itself in its philosophical diversity, and I overheard this conversation take place between to middle aged, female co-workers in the cubicle directly across from mine:

Born Again: I've noticed that people don't read many religious books around here (meaning Utah).

Mormon: Oh, that's silly. I read religious books all the time.

Born Again: Really? Like what?

Mormon: Well, I just finished the Da Vinci Code.

Thank you, Mr. Brown, for being there in a pinch.  Without you, we might actually have to open a book with religious substance to impress our co-workers.

There's a treatment for that

So, I really like my soon to be step mother and I liked her even more after this conversation:

Cathy: So, do you remember that coconut that Dallas brought home from Hawaii?

Me: I think so

Cathy: Well he decided to break it open, on my counter

Me: On your counter?

Cathy: Yes! He took the hammer and just started banging on it. And you know what he did? He banged off pieces of my counter.

Me: He banged off pieces of your counter?

Cathy: Yes, I came home and there were chips and chunks of it all over the place so now the center of my counter is all dented and rough.

Me: You know there is a treatment for that.

Cathy: I know he really needs treatment. He is driving me crazy.

Me: No, no. I meant a treatment for the counter.

What Happened To the Funny?

So two people have checked this site in the last month, one of them being me just now. What happened to the funny?

The Proof

Photographic evidence that we did remember to bring our pads!

Did You Girls Remember To Bring Your Pads?

Thanks for inviting me Carma! Since Bryan and I have been married, there's been a lot of "wall" conversations. So now I can record them here! He'll love that. But now, just for old time's sake, here's a story from the wall at the girl's house.

A bunch of us went camping in Logan Canyon. We were busily setting up our campsites, Jake and Bryan pitched a little tent and the girls were in another one. We had just gotten the tent set up and were taking our bags inside. And Bryan asked "Did you girls remember to bring your pads?" Of course he meant pads to sleep on. Nancy however responded to his question with an answer that referenced another kind of pad. Bryan was so embarrassed and we still tease him about it today!

You really need to brush your teeth

So here's another from me. I feel really dumb that I've made two posts now. Anyway, last week I was driving up to my family's place for a little visit while doing errands at the same time. As I was driving I was thinking of all the things that I had to do. Realizing I needed to write them down or forget them as soon as I needed to recall them I reached over for my sticky note pad that I keep in my car (this is a stupid idea and I would not recomend it). So I grab the sticky note pad and get a paper cut. I'm driving through North Salt Lake on I-15 where they are doing construction, and if you've driven through there lately you know that it's a pretty tricky part of the freeway. The police don't even have to enforce the 55 mph limit because the lanes are so crazy narrow. So I only glance down at my finger and see that I have indeed cut it but it doesn't look to bad. So I grab the stickies stick them on my steering wheel (I know I'm dumb) and reach for a pen as I'm writing with the pen I realize that there is a pain in my finger and I can feel blood all over my finger. Not wanting to get blood on my clothes or the upholstry I stick my finger in my mouth. In an instant I realize that there is not blood on my hand, no it is ink. So I'm driving like a mad woman, spitting out the ink I just got all over in my mouth and drop the pen (which was leaking ink) on my lap. Finally realizing the error of my ways I decided to wait to make that list of to-do's until I got to my family's house. So I look in my mirror and see that I have gotten ink all over my toung and teeth, super gross. Upon entering the house the first thing my sister says to me is "You really need to brush your teeth"

Here's your coat, Honney

So todayI went to visit with the Szymanski's for a party celebrating Bryan's Graduation. Well, since I had to work at eleven that night Sean and I had to leave early. So Brittany being the amazing hostes she is took our coats at the when we came in and told us that they would just be in her room, so we could get them when we needed to leave. So I went to go get our coats and brought them back out to the front room. So I'm comming in and without looking I hand Sean his coat so that I can talk to Larry, whom I haven't seen in a long time. So I'm talking with Larry and I look up to see the man wearing my husbands coat and now taking my hand to go out the door is not my husband, but Bryan. I look around to see Sean has moved from where I left him and is over on the other side of the room, arms folded, and wondering why I can't hear him saying "What are you doing?" Luckily my husband forgave me, because he was so happy to see me turn so red.

Blond moment

This was a conversation I had with Daniel the other day. So it was never on the wall, but if we had one at our house it would definitely be put on it.

So Daniel and I were watching Mythbusters awhile back and they were testing a myth on escaping from a car submerged in water. They basically sunk a car with someone in it and they tried to see if they could open the car door and escape before the inside of the car filled with water. Because once it is filled with water they could open the door easily and swim out. So this is the conversation we had during the commercial.

Daniel: If it were me in that car, I would just roll down the window.

Me: Oh, so that the car would fill up faster and you could open the door?

Daniel: Well... I guess you could do that, but I was just thinking I would swim out the window.

Me: (Hangs head in shame.)

Sometimes I surprise myself how blonde I can be.

Scratch and Sniff Table

I bought a small wooden table at an R.C. Willey’s scratch and dent sale the summer before we moved into the Girl’s House. The varnish was a little worn in some places, but I got a good deal on it, and it was one of the few pieces of furniture I owned when we moved in the next December, so I was glad I had it.

That little oak table quickly became the gathering place for roomies and friends. Every so often we would try to have a “real” dinner—no cold cereal allowed—around the table. And somehow we always ended up in uproarious fits of laughter. It happened whenever we were around that table, so we started to wonder why. Logan is the one who solved the mystery. “Maybe it was previously owned by drug dealers who cut crack on it, and the residue is getting to us” he said. “But, I bought it at a scratch and dent sale,” I clarified. At that Logan smiled and said “Scratch and sniff is more like it!” And of course we were laughing again. From then on when someone incited hilarity at the table, when we caught our breath we would tell them “you have a little varnish on your nose” and the fun would start again.

The scratch n’ sniff table is now home to my sewing machine, and an occasional sedate dinner party. He misses the roomie days. Me too table, me too.

Aren't Crack and Marijuana the Same Thing?

I will start with a post that came from me.  I don't recall why I said it, but I was really of the opinion that crack and marijuana were the same drug...

What made that even more funny was that a little while later, Brittany saw the card on the wall and said "they aren't the same?  I thought they were."  So at least I was not alone.

Don't worry, I now know the difference between crack and marijuana, though I think my innocence might not have been a bad thing...

Roommates!

So I was looking through the Wall of Sadum book that Ann Marie made for all of us, and I realized that I couldn't remember half the stories.  So, I came up with this brilliant idea.  We can all take a minute every once in a while to write up a memory from our wall postings, so that we can all laugh and remember the good old days as roommates.  

I invited everyone that I had email addresses for.  Check under publication and add people as authors if you have email address for other roommates/friends.